As you know, we’re recklessly committed to fun...blah blah blah, sunglasses. But not just any sunglasses– polarized sunglasses. Ah, polarized eyewear, a topic that leads to more polarizing existential questions like, “Does pineapple belong on pizza?” to which we reply: Uhhh, does a bear sh*t in the woods?! Do active sunglasses need polarized lenses?!?!
For the last time, pineapple 100% does belong on pizza and we will fight you to the death on this. Yes, bears do sh*t in the woods. And yes, active sunglasses are the perfect application for polarized lenses. DUH.
Okay, so back to polarized sunglasses. You might be wondering what makes them so special– or even, dare we say– magical. (We dare, they're magical.) Baaaaaaaasically, they're like magic portals to the outdoors. And NO, that's not just a door. If you think simply using a door is enough to get outside boy howdy, do you have a world of hurt in your future. Let me walk you through it…
You wake up. You do a luxurious morning stretch because you finally had a day to sleep in after a long work week that you only were able to drag yourself through because you knew this very moment, this very stretch, would await you on the other side. You sit up in bed. Okay fine we’ll skip a few steps. Blah, blah, blah, you get dressed, brush your teeth, feed your dinosaur, yadda yadda yadda then you get ready to finally embark on a luxurious stroll out of doors. You slide on a pair of sensible walking shoes, lather on some sunscreen (because harmful UV rays are no joke, you’ve seen all those scary before/after pictures on the internet, you know what awaits you), pop on your lame pair of unpolarized active sunglasses, then you reach for the door handle. You turn the knob and– ope, hold on. Almost forgot your keys!!! You take your set of keys off the hook by the door and step into the calm morning light.
BLAM!!! BLAST!!! ZANG!!! PEWWW!!!!
That’s the sound of those harmful UV rays you just protected your skin from blasting you straight in the retinas. You’re temporarily blinded, disoriented. All you wanted was a simple walk outside, to enjoy the air and feel connected to the earth again. And now the glare from those blasting rays beating down upon you has completely ruined the vibe. If only you'd had polarized lenses to block that glare and help you see clearly and comfortably on your walk. Perhaps then you would have walked a bit farther down the block and bumped into the love of your life. And when your pinkies grazed as you passed by one another on the sidewalk and the instant spark made you look back, and then you see they also looked back and now you're locking eyes in the most perfect tender moment ever crafted– you'd be able to see every detail of your other half's effortlessly beautiful face. Polarized eyewear isn’t seeming so needless now, is it?
OK yeah, so why are we talking about polarized sunglasses over and over and over and over– you get it. The truth is we recently had a very special guest visit our Lagoon headquarters who got us thinking about what polarized sunglasses means to us. We don't want to brag or anything, but our visitor is a famous feline internet celebrity who asked us a plethora of questions when he saw our impressive wall of polarized sunglasses.
Luckily for him, Carl the Flamingo has the patience of a saint when discussing polarized eyeglasses. It's only one of his favorite topics of all time!!! It’s “polarized sun lenses” and “polarized lens goggles” and “polarized glass” and “polarized glass sunglasses” all day e’ry day. We told Carl this was barely coherent and wandered throughout the piece, but he threatened to fire us if we didn’t write this. He told us our jobs depended upon cramming as much information about polarized eyewear in here as we could. So here we are. We apologize in advance.
Our visitor, Captain Meowzipan, asked SO many questions. “Carl, I can has lots of questions about polarized sunglasses? Why polarized sunglasses, Carl? What does polarized mean in sunglasses? Or, what is polarized sunglasses mean? What is polarized sunglasses meaning? What is polarized sunglasses? What is polarized lens? Or, more importantly, what is polarized lenses? Does polarized sunglasses come from the North Pole? Does polarized lenses come from polar bears?! Does polar bears wear polarized sunglasses? Does polar bears eat cats?!?! I can has protection from polar bears?!”
“Carl, how does sunglasses block glare? Why do polarized sunglasses reduce glare? I still don’t understand what polarized sunglasses means.”
“Sunglasses that aren’t polarized won’t really block glare. That’s why you need polarized eyewear, or better yet polarized sunglasses. You know, like goodr sunglasses!!!
“Carl, that was shameless plug for your polarized sunglass lenses. How important is polarization in sunglasses? Is polarized sunglasses better? Why polarized tinted lenses?!”
“What do you expect when you’re visiting the CEO of a sunglasses company?! I thought cats were supposed to be evil geniuses. No offense. Please don’t kill me. Man, I feel like I’m sticking my foot in my mouth all over the place here. Yes, they’re definitely better for some scenarios because they block glare.” Carl laughed nervously.
“Carl, does polarized glass block polarized glare from my angry ex-talent-agent, Bebe? She can't has my bizness anymore. Carl. Tellz me more about polarized shades. Can polarized eyeglasses protect me from the angry glare of my haterz?”
“No, no, no!!! Not THAT kind of glare!!! You're talking about the kind of glare Carl the Flamingo shoots at people he sees wearing non-goodr sunglasses. Or when they take up two parking spaces at the local swingers club. Just because you’re leaving with multiple people doesn’t mean you deserve multiple spaces. Amirite?! Was I talking about myself in the third person again? Sorry I have a tendency to do that…”
“Carl, what does you mean by glare then?”
“Let me see if I can explain this. So, light will scatter when it bounces at different angles off of an object’s uneven surface. But when the surface is smooth, like a frozen lake or skyscraper’s windows, light reflects at one angle. When this light shines bright like a diamond and reflects right into your peepers, blinding you, this is what we call glare. Polarized sunglasses reduce this glare and solve this problem. goodr sunglasses are a fun, functional, ‘ffordable, fashionable way to reduce glare. Except they, unfortunately, don’t work for blocking the glare from bitter exes and ex-talent-managers.”
“But Carl, how does polarized lenses work?!”
“Polarized lenses have a special chemical applied which filters light. Molecules of the chemical are lined up precisely to block some of the light from passing through the lens. Think about those tacky mini blinds in your first apartment, the ones you keep closed all the time because you’re usually hungover. Oh wait, I’m projecting again. Well, it’s like those blinds. Only the light that passes through the openings is visible. HAAA listen to me, I actually sound like I know what I’m talking about. You really can’t run a sunglasses company if you don’t know these things. Just sayin’.”
“I’m still confused about something, Carl… Does polarized and UV protection mean the same thing?”
“Oooooh, that’s a great question! UV blocking and polarization are two completely different things! UV protection or UV blocking is NOT the same as polarized or polarization. goodr glasses offer full UV 400 protection. UV 400 means that the lenses provide nearly 100% protection from harmful ultraviolet light rays, blocking wavelengths up to 400 nanometers, including harmful UV rays. Polarization is different, as I have already described earlier. Almost all of goodr’s sunglasses are polarized. If you’re not sure, you can always reach out to one of our Customer Service Parrots to inquire about a specific pair. It will also show you on the product display page on goodr.com if they’re polarized.”
“So Carl, seeing as how I have secretly recorded this entire conversation in hopes of publishing it on my podcast, I will give you another opportunity to shamelessly plug your business. How to buy polarized sunglasses, Carl?”
“Is this a joke?! Are you really asking ME about buying polarized sunglasses? Never mind, I can see that you’re serious. goodr.com is the only place I would recommend buying polarized sunglasses. (and you receive free shipping on orders of $50+!) But I am incredibly biased. So, do you have any other questions for me now that our cheeseburgers have gotten cold and congealed?”
“Yes. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?”
“HAAAA. Why you no good, furry sonofabitch...Your mom loves my wardrobe. And my polarized glass lens sunglasses. She says they make everything look bigger. Bet from now on she wants all her eyewear polarized.”
“OK, hmmm. On polarized sunglasses, the chemical that filters light creates vertical openings for light. Only the light rays that approach your eyes vertically can fit through those openings. It’s basically like polarized lenses are saying, ‘F*ck horizontal light rays!!!’ The polarized lens color blocks all of the horizontal light waves and bright sunlight that are bouncing off a glassy lake or chrome bumper, for example. Thanks to this filtering out of the horizontal light waves, you will be able to see details more easily, and objects will look crisper and clearer!!! Some people even report that polarized lenses give objects an almost 3D appearance. Pretty fancy, huh?”
“So, Carl, are polarized sunglasses good? Why are polarized sunglasses good? Or should I say, goodr?” *snicker snicker*
“Duh!!! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Sunglasses with polarised lenses are great!!! Some people who wear pol lenses report that they are less tired than usual after hours of battling the harsh glare bear (the sun). Lots of everyday situations can be improved with polarized sunnies!!! Let me guess, you want specific examples?”
“Yes, Carl, Tellz me more about situations where glass sunglasses polarized makes thingz better. I wantz information on polaroid glasses uses.”
“Here are some scenarios that are improved by polarized glasses– or polarized glass if you’re a cyclops. I imagine that since you’re a cat, you enjoy fishing. People, or cats, who fish often find that polarized sunglasses help them see into the water and drastically reduce the glare reflecting off of the H2O’s surface. It probably comes as no surprise then that people who enjoy boating can also benefit from a polarized lens. If you’re driving a boat, polarized lenses can help you see below the surface better, which could be important for safety. Polarized lenses may reduce the eye fatigue caused by eyestrain that is common when staring at the water’s surface all day. Also, do you know that we make special lenses for golfing? Our Flamingo Eye Technology provides polarized glasses perfect for golfing. They’re designed to help you spot the ball easier on the greens compared to golfing without them. We aim to reduce the glare on the fairway while increasing your chances of scoring a Flamingo. If you don’t know this already, it’s not a Bogey, it’s a Flamingo. You’ll also have an easier time spotting golf balls that have accidentally found their way into that murky golf course pond water when you’re wearing polarized lenses. Pro-tip: Don’t submerge your head under that water. No one wants a parasitic brain amoeba. What am I talking about? Cats hate water, right? Oh yeah, polarized glasses are great for a lot of snowy environments too.”
“Interesting Carl. So when is use of polarised sunglasses not good?”
“Good call my feline friend. There are a few instances where use of polarized sunglasses is not good. For example, a polarized lens material can interfere when you’re looking at LCD (liquid crystal display) screens. So they may be a very bad idea if you have LCD car dashboard controls, or if you’re using an ATM machine, using a cell phone, and some digital watches. Also, even though we offer our aviation-themed Mach G sunnies with polarized lenses, you should not be wearing them when flying an actual plane!!! Side note, we’re not responsible if you fly into the Bermuda Triangle and are lost forever because you didn’t heed our warning to not wear polarized lenses while flying a plane and then end up misreading your instrument panel because you were desperate to look stylish!!!”
“Carl, you said a lot of bad things about glare today. Nothing is 100% good or badz, right? Is glare ever good?”
“First of all. F*ck glare. I’ve built an entire empire trying to combat it after I totaled my ’87 Ferrari Testarossa when the glare from Christie Brinkley’s perfect white smile and glossy lips caused me to crash when I spotted her at an intersection in Hollywood back in ’89. But you’re right, sometimes glare can be good. It can help you spot ice patches on the road while driving or while skiing. That’s about the only good thing I can say about it though.”
